I'm lost and stupid without you.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize