oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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