I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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