I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
