Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
