Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
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i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
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I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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