Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
