Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
