Don't make out with my wife yet
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
