the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
