Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
