Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
