Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
