and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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