he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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