ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
