You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
