I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
