At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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