He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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