Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
