Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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