dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
