You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
