I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
