hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
