this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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