if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We had to coat check the pizza.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
