the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
