if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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