I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
