just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
