I could have mohawked her pubes.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
