how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
