dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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