I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
