Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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