i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
