Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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