She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
