On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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