Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
