Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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