I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
