The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
