so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
