Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
