He disabled his match.com account in front of me
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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