I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
