I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
