I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
