Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
