What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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