I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
