In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
