So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
