it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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