Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
