it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
