i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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