taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
two words...techno handjob
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
