so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize