Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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