tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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