I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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