I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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