my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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