you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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