i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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