I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
