i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
