If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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