I'd wear matching sweaters with you
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
