Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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