I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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