he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
