So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
