he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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