my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
