she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I AM VODKA MAN
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
