on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Are we still banned from the library?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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