All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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