Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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