I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
